EDITORIAL: The Borderlands 2 Saga or, The Tale of the Empty Hands

Some of you may recall, that earlier in the year, I put out a list of the 5 games I am looking forward to the most this year. For those that don't remember, the list was (in no particular order) Resident Evil 6, Kingdoms of Amalur, Diablo 3, Mass Effect 3, and finally.... Borderlands 2. Of these 5 games, 4 have shipped. The last of the three shipped just last week, and that is the reason I have decided to write this post. I would not go so far as to call this an editorial, although I will label it as such. This is more along the lines of a partial psychotic break, and my attempt to put it into words. How bad can it get? Find out after the jump

On a cold day back in February, a mere 2 months to the day of the 30th anniversary of my birth, my black little heart did skip a beat. For it was on that momentous day, over 7 months ago, that I placed my preorder for Borderlands 2. At that moment, visions of the hours of joy this game was sure to provide began to swirl in my head. Another glorious co-op game that would give myself and my little brother something to do on those rare instances when we got together.

As the months counted down, I insured that there was always enough to cover the game in at least one account. I verified that my Amazon Prime account was up to date, so that I could insure release date shipping. All was in order, all would be well.

September 18th rolled around, and what did my neighborhood brown truck provide? ... absolutely nothing. Yes, it would seem that my release day delivery, was not to be. A quick check of the packages status, said that it was still out for delivery, perhaps the driver just had a really long route.

48 hours later, the package was still marked as "out for delivery". At this point, I had given up on ever actually getting this package. I began to wonder if perhaps the UPS guy had learned what was in the package, and had stolen it to keep for himself.

It was just then, that I got a message from Amazon that my package might be delayed. Ya think so? 48 hours late, my package is now in Stafford Texas, and only at this point, it MIGHT be delayed?. I can only assume that the geniuses that did that, would also wait 48 hours to report a lost or stolen vehicle, a dead loved one, or that their eyeballs had fallen out.

But hey, it's cool shit happens. Once they discovered that there has been some major error, naturally they will expedite shipping, and make sure that it gets to its intended destination by Friday? I mean... that only makes sense. I mean, when I'm at work, and I learn that a co-worker dropped the ball and didn't get something up to the floor, I rush to make sure it gets up there... Expecting a similar courtesy from the fine folk at UPS is only reasonable, right?... I'll let you be the judge, the tracking log direct from UPS follows:

Nope, it takes them over 12 hours to send it to Houston, it sits there until nearly 24 hours after the error was discovered, and then it takes 4 days to show any progress whatsoever. At this point, what was supposed to be "Release Day" shipping, has actually taken longer than the standard free shipping that Amazon offers through the fucking post office!

So, yeah. You may have seen me bitching about UPS on Twitter, and now you know why. The fuckers see a problem, and rather than trying to expedite things to fix their fuck up, they apparently decide to send my package by horse drawn carriage from Texas to Hodgkins, IN... Now, stop for a moment. I want you to Google Hodgkins, IN. ...As far as I can tell, there is no such place. UPS not only sat on their error, but they followed that with sending it to a fictional town! I have theorized that Hodgkins, IN is in fact the place that all of the lost socks from all the dryers in the world disappear to, which could explain why it appears on no maps.

And now, FINALLY on Wednesday, a full 8 days after the package was supposed to be here, the EPS guy sneaks in, and drops the package at the door, without bothering to knock, ring the door bell, or even  make a token effort to let me know it was there.

What is the ultimate point of all this incoherent rambling and tooth gnashing? Honestly... This is why there has been absolutely no review post about Borderlands 2....