So recently, Someone posted on Facebook, that Birdemic was getting a sequel, and after a brief moment sitting in the corner weeping inconsolably, I said to myself, "I have finally found definitive proof, that there is no god." For those, not familiar with this abomination, that makes "Green Lantern" look like the pinnacle of cinematic excellence, fear not! I have decided to force this mindless schlock onto my computer screen once again, and deliver to you the SHOCK and TERROR that is....
BIRDEMIC!
Read on after the Jump*
There are some movies, that are so awful, so soul-crushingly bad, that mere words can not describe them. And then there are movies that are so bad, that they manage to temporarily kill the portion of your brain that is dedicated to self-preservation, so much so that you actually find this awful crime against humanity to be good! But the question is... How bad is Birdemic?
One of the first things you will notice about this film, (that is if you can stomach the movie long enough to get that far) is that this movie has quite possibly the WORST sound editing in any movie I have ever seen. The sound cuts in and out, so that even the most untrained ear will be able to pick out exactly where the various audio tracks were snipped together. At times, the audio tracks are even spliced together in the middle of a sentence, so that the sound goes from incredibly loud, to almost inaudible between words.
Another thing one might notice, is that the "Actors" can't act...at all. The acting in this film is reminiscent of the acting one would see in a third grade show. It is painful to watch. I had to stop the film after about 20 minutes just to cleanse my palette.
And when I came back, from this palette cleansing, the absolute worst part of this film was evident. That being the special effects, which in many cases boil down to nothing more than badly animated GIFs. For the first half of the movie, these are minor things, background noise in what seems like a bad romance film. Unfortunately, they do not stay in the background, and about 45 minutes into the film, they become the focus. If you can make it past the inanity of the 47 minute mark, you might as well stick around for the rest of the film.
The film is hilariously bad, especially when you toss in the rather ham-fisted "eco-friendly" message that seems to pervade the entire thing. Apparently, Global warming caused the bird flue! I was also waiting for them to blame fossil fuels for the Kennedy assassination, and possibly blame oil-drilling for just about every other ill that has ever befallen humanity.
At the end of the film, when all is said and done, the movie is so horrible, one can not help but laugh at it. I believe that EVERY filmmaker needs to watch this film, as a sort of handbook on how not to make a movie. I won't be giving this film a rating, because it honestly can not be described in mere numbers. In the end, all I will say, is that this film has more exploding birds than I think any movie should ever have. So, I expect that the sequel should have at least three times as many.
So final breakdown:
Directing: Awful
Acting: Horrid
Writing: Dreadful
Editing: Atrocious
Special Effects: Comical
Watch this movie, only if you want to learn how not to make movies, or if you want to punish yourself for some past transgressions. Either way, do not take it seriously, or it will drive you insane.
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