First off JLSpaw…
hater much?
See that’s the thing, there isn’t hate. This is just
another point of view that I believe a lot of people aren’t seeing. I’m neither
attempting to re-educate people’s perception nor making them dislike the film.
I think The Nolan Trilogy (which I prefer to call it) is the absolute best
comic book trilogy of all time and I don’t see it being bettered within the
next decade. These are just some major quips that took me out of the film so
let’s all bask in my mental hell.
So when I read into films, I try to look at everything.
Some films are easier to grade and review than others because they succeed on
their own for what they’re trying to accomplish. For example: The Raid –
Redemption is to me a nearly flawless flick because it succeeded at what it was
trying to do. Now it’s not comparable to TDKR just based off scale alone but
even though Raid is nearly perfect to me; it doesn’t make it better. The Dark
Knight Rises has a load of plots, characters, and elements that bog down the
film and I’m about to point them out.
NOTE: By the way, these blurbs below are in no particular
order and if I did make a full non-spoiler-y review (which you can read FRANK’S HERE), I would easily give it an 8 out of 10. Now we begin… go ahead and hate
me.
The Folly of Foley
I can’t remember his purpose… maybe he was police chief
or something but that ass “Foley” played by Matthew Modine wore two massive
crowns in this flick. The first one was for his overly 2 dimensional character outlook.
So when Bane and friends basically rob the entire stock market and send the
city into a rescission; his character wants to take down the guy who killed
Harvey Dent 8 years ago. Which I get. Sort’of. But he’s priorities are a little
whacked and unrealistic. That hatred for Batman continues with his stupid face
(sorry, I hate him) throughout the rest of the film. The other crown was his
acting. Every time he was on screen it took me out of the movie. Just terrible.
And they attempted to redeem him at the end by playing hero and getting shot.
That was a shiny moment for me… I’m totally applauding next time.
The Law
Enforcement Predicament Department (LEPD)
The police department knows something is happening down
in the sewers of Gotham. I mean hell; they have the credibility of the recently
assaulted commissioner telling them about this insane network of guys doing
something down there that doesn’t seem entirely lawful. Though at first they do
nothing until Bane makes an appearance and that’ll force about 3000 cops,
including SWAT to go under the city looking for trouble. There goes about 98%
of the police force chasing down for what they think is about 15 guys (based on
the robbery). I get that it’s a movie but damn, seriously? A major city like
Chicago would do that? What a bunch of morons! So now they’re trapped. What I
can forgive (even though logic says I shouldn't) is that they were trapped down
there for 5 months. That's insane! Cop clothes wouldn't last that long because
they didn’t dress in anything else (that we know of). Place would have been
covered in shit and food would still be limited causing massive loss of life
and whatnot. Post-apocalyptic catacomb of death and doom. But I have to forgive
this because if they did answer those questions... it could have been boring as
all hell.
Not Very Dark
Knighty
No I’m not talking about the fact the Batman suit didn’t
show up until 30 minutes into the film… which I’m totally fine with. The absence
is appreciated. I’m talking about when Bruce is actually the Caped Crusader. Batman
(in comics) is known for his gadgets. Not entirely for his various vehicles but
that’s a Nolan trait I’ve come to admire over the years. Plus it translates
better on the big screen. But Batman wasn’t very Batman in this flick, gadgets
and strategy took a backseat. This could be because it’s more of a Bruce Wayne
story than a Batman story which is alright. I dug that aspect a lot more
because he wasn’t overly developed in The Dark Knight besides becoming
villainesque in the last 3 minutes. I just can’t think of any strong moment’s
wear a gadget meant something. He doesn’t have super powers so… … … I’m just
upset that there are over 7 hours worth of Nolan-y Batman movies and not one
goddamn shark repellant reference is made! :-P
Break a Bat
I get his back breaking and having it re-broke back into
place. Crunchy vertebrae makes for good popcorn fun. I’ll let go of the fact Bane
took time out some from his precious master plan to drop Wayne off in some
random prison hole out in the middle of nowhere with some of the world’s most
dangerous criminals (as said by Alfred). I can even never mind the fact that with
no money to his name, no ID, or Batman equipment, that he gets ALL the way back
to the U.S. (through customs and all) into Gotham (where all other law
enforcement couldn’t) without being noticed. I can forgive ALL that for the
sake of runtime alone… but shouldn’t his back hurt? Or his knee that was
injured in the beginning of the film (ala no cool electronic brace this time
around)? Just a tad? Did the pit magically heal all his medical issues? Could
this pit cure cancer? It just takes longer than 5 months to heal from all that.
Just sayin. This isn’t a nitpick, this is me wishing that Batman (the
character) felt more real and having him save the day with an injury is always
more memorable.
Hips and Whips
Anne Hathaway’s portrayal as Catwoman was the highlight
of the movie for me. She is everything I could love about Catwoman and executed
it wonderfully. So don’t get me wrong, my complaint wasn’t with her, it was
with the Batman. It’s like he replaced his gadgets for her. He needs her help
finding Bane… twice. He needs her in a fight. Why? If this was a dude stealing
his mother’s jewelry, I doubt he’ll ask to team up. Is it because he hasn’t
seen a female in 8 years? They kiss twice without much relationship
development. I guess they could be considered warranted (one for the sake of
Catwoman’s personality for being Catwoman including thievery, the second one was
a goodbye kiss of sorts) but whatever. And oh yeah! Wouldn’t Alfred or the
formally secret masked murderer in hiding Batman do a fucking proper background
check on ANY of their staff? They would have found out about Selina a hell of a
lot earlier.
InBane in the
Membrane
I guess the next step would be Bane. Hardy’s performance
was incredible. I even dug the voiceover which was changed in post-production.
The only part I couldn’t help from laughing at is the line from the trailers. Even
in context, it’s worse. “Gotham’s Reckoning, I am.” Seriously sounds like Yoda.
Seriously. Anyhow, I wasn’t a fan of how insignificant he became by the time
Talia was revealed to be the big bad. Sure it was a nice twist but he merely
became a whimpering henchman and then gunned down like one. When Catwoman shot
him with the Batpod, it was an awesome holy shit moment. But I never thought he
was actually dead. No one announced it. No one went like… check that body or
stood over him in sympathy. Nothing happened. Every villain had their ending in
Nolan’s Trilogy but Bane. Well… I’m wrong. It was an ending that went all BLAM!
Name’s Blake,
Robin Blake?
I have a man crush Joseph Gordon Levitt. Man is smashing,
but out of EVERYONE in Gotham… He was the one that was like… Pssh, I’ve always
known it was you the whole time. WTF?! I thought that story he was telling was
a lie like… like there was a bigger
picture to him or something! Nope. Man you make Commissioner Gordon’s
revelation look super-tarded. How does anyone just “know”? I can’t help but say
that, that’s just lazy storytelling. Could he just admire him and Bruce reveals
it later? I mean, it’s not practical but it’s more believable. Damn out of all
Gotham, some beat cop knows who Batman is. Maybe Gotham should burn… because
everyone’s friggin’ stupid!
Like Father, like Daughter
Talia *a-hem*… I
mean Miranda and Bruce have some steamy sex a day or two (that’s what it looked
like) after Alfred checks out. Well Alfred checks out because Wayne made him
check out after Alfred reveals that Rachel wrote a letter about checking out from
Wayne to check in with Dent. Well Wayne finally moves on. Too little too late
Alfred. Couldn’t you have said something years ago before Wayne nearly wasted a
decade of his life doing nothing? Literally nothing. And the sex without an
established relationship with Miranda? Too much, too early. You had a more
realistic chance with Catchick. Anyways… wouldn’t Miranda have tried to kill
Wayne back at his house instead of dealing with him later? Knowing he’s the
Batman, wouldn’t you want to eliminate the ONLY person that could stop your righteous
blow-Gotham-upper plan? Gah!
Applied Nonsense
OK, I’m going to try to be brief. If “no one knows” about
the Applied Sciences division since it was written off the books; how did Bane
magically find it? How did Talia know Bruce was Batman in the first place? Did
her daddy give her a call from nearly 10-12 years ago (the time of Batman
Begins) saying “Hello dear, quick update. I’m on an elevated train and I’m
about to die. Bruce Wayne is Batman.” *click* OK, I know it’s all very nitpicky
but why give us all that information if it doesn’t add up?
OK, I think I’m done now. There are plentiful amount of
other issues other people have sought out that I haven’t mentioned here because
initially, I didn’t think of them until I read them. These are the things I
noticed up until this morning so I had 3 days to sit on it. I know what you all
must be thinking… I still dug it. Awesome movie in my view but not my favorite
this year or my favorite Nolan/Batman film. But hey… it succeeded and broke the
trilogy curse. I consider myself a happy fan. Thank you Chris Nolan and thank
you for dealing with my rant. Good day!
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